I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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