i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
