still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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