dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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