I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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