now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
