I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
