hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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