I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
