i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
