What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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