Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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