how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
