How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
