Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
