ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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