11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
