hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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