i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
