Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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