my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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