I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
