Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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