Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
