the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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