my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
