It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
