four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize