it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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