last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Randomize