Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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