he shaved USA in his pubs
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The air was thick with penises
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
