the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
