Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
