Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Never underestimate the power of titties
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