I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
