The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
