grandma shit on top of the toilet
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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