Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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