I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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