so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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