Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
