I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I need mimosas to revive my soul
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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