saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
