I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Fuck appropriateness.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
