ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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