Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
