once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
