I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
