she was so not down for the gang bang
Four minutes until I can fart!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
The Olympian is in my bed
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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