I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
