FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize