I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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