She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
And then my night got REAL pukey
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize