you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize