dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
