our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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