I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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