WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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