My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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