well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
