i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
