Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
