butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
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