Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
