Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Randomize