hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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