I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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