She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
