went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
