I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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