I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Dick very happy bro
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
