just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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