His pubic hair was longer than his dick
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
