Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
