I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
