He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
