Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
