So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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