Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize