If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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