i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
