You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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