im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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