This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
