I wanna bring you to show and tell
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
