I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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