I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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