Sry I called you an 8
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
