and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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