Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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