I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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