all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She's the barista slut.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
