just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
