I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
