i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
