time to smoke my breakfast
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize