I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
