Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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