I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
