I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
