It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
