i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
